I really want to go back home.

I happen to be one of those people who 'flew out". I chose to come out here and study....because i failed to secure a place in a local University - So, we found a nice college, dad paid all the tuition and i graduated. My parents were thrilled. It was just an AA. I lived pretty well with my bro, didn't have to struggle with work and rent....forever grateful to my bro and his wife. I say this coz some siblings come out here, but their families kick them out.. Anyhow, I thought i was done with school, but the day after my graduation, a new Bachelor program was starting and my dad enrolled me in. SO, i was stuck for another 3-4 years. It wasn't bad at all.

But school didn't work out for me. It was too depressing to watch my dad send lots of money to pay some private college. I stopped going to school, and i told my dad i would pay for myself. Of course it didn't happen. Instead i looked for work, had a roommate and my life as an adult began. I dated a guy, got bored, and sunk myself (or may be God did) into spiritual works. I became a worship leader for a ministry, and before i knew it, i got hooked. It was lovely, and i came to really love the Lord, and He's like my best friend right now. I listen to Him, which is hard to. I worship Him even when I'm mad at him, and I love Jesus with all of my heart.

I met my husband at church, and He's the best thing that ever walked on earth. Cool, graceful, wise, intelligent and a hard worker. Our kids are gracious, energetic and what a blessing! We love, we laugh and we live our lives to serve God, each other, our family and those around us. Problem is I'm 33, and i think this is the age where being in America isn't doing it anymore for me. I'm thinking it's the hormones that are honking.............peep peeeeeeeep! America is it for you..... go back home now, there are things for you to do there.........c'mon, life is cheaper, better, and you'll be with your family. peeeeep!!...........Kenya is calling.......how can you be here for so long??..........your mom and dad need you!...........they are getting older!.......you are the only girl, how can you leave your mom by herself? .......c'mon............what are you doing there?...................you are the underachiever in your whole family..............look at you!!!

.............ok! sometimes, i don't know if it's me or the enemy. I don't blame God anymore, He has my best interest in his hands.

Waking and going to Kenya won't work. There is 4 of us. I'm not alone. I can't just get up and leave. The waiting is killing me, I'm growing impatient, i'm crying alot, and i'm in a place where I've never been before. I've never felt like this before, and before i have a nervous breakdown, i need to know that God did not intend for me to be one of those lost relatives. I have a mom and dad who i adore and would love to see everyday. I have 5 amazing talented bright brothers, who have married gracious, respectful women - who have made them beautiful children - my nephews and nieces. Now, I'm I supposed to be Joseph, Moses or Joshua who had to leave and come back when they were 156 years old? I don't think so.

I really want to go back home. I think age is catching up with me.